Bon Voyage

Evey: So, Carrma, I’m going to be away for a few days–

Carrma: Uh-huh. Bye, human.

Evey: But, um, won’t you miss me?

Carrma: I’ll miss my second breakfast. And my walkies. But Yoga Human and I will be busy plotting.

Evey: Plotting what?

Carrma: That’s for us to know and everybody else to maybe find out later.

Evey: Well, fine. Whatever floats your boat.

Carrma: -stares- Human, I live in the desert. Why ever would I need a boat?

Evey: During monsoon season? It gets pretty muddy around here.

Carrma: You’re weird, human.

Ephiny: And so there I was during White Horse Yoga with my adoring fan club all around me…

Ephiny: Such cute little humans. Someday I want a one of my very own.

Carrma: Humans are a nice thing to have around.

Evey: Ohhhh, so you ARE going to miss me?

Carrma: Maybe. Bring me back a present.

Evey: I’ll think about it.

Ephiny: Bring me back a human. Like this one.

Evey: I’ll try, dear. Are you sure you won’t miss me Carrma?

Carrma: Well. Maybe a little. Now take me for a walk. I want to eat some bushes.

Evey: You’re not supposed to eat all those bushes.

Carrma: That’s why I only do it when you’re not looking.

 

Outtakes

Breakfast:

Gabriella: Oooh! Treat, please! -crooks leg-

Evey: Here you go, dear.

Carrma: -stares- Where’s mine?

Evey: Just a minute. I’ll get there.

Gabriella: Me me me!

Evey: You already got some. Here, Carrma! Quick!

Carrma: -snatch and grab- Nom nom.

(Later)

Gabriella: Ah, human. I see you are passing by with the pitchfork in your cart. You may use it to scratch me. -poses-

Evey: At your service, your highness. -scritch scritch scritch-

(Later)

Carrma: And here I am taking my human for a walk. Ooh, that bush looks good.

Evey: No, dear, please don’t eat that bush.

Carrma: You’re no fun. Hmm. I want to go down this street.

Evey: Really? We haven’t gone this far before.

Carrma: I feel like being Adventure Pony today.

Evey: Then off we go.

Lunchtime:

Herd: Mine! Mine! Mine!

Evey: Hey, now. One at a time. Tia, stop chasing your mother. I’d rather not get run over.

Tia: -mumble mumble- MY HAY. MINE!

Gabriella: Eeek! -runs-

Carrma: -stares-

Evey: Yes, dear, what can I do for you?

Carrma: -stares- Everyone else has big piles of hay and they left me with scraps.

Evey: Here’s a little more, then.

Carrma: Ha ha ha. I’ve got my human trained to read my mind.

Snacktime:

Tia: If I put my head in the tub when the human walks by, hay will magically appear.

Evey: -tosses hay-

Tia: Yep, there it is. Nom nom.

Happy 25th, Carrma!

Carrma: Huuuuuman, it’s my birthday. You should buy me one of these compression suits.

 

Evey: -gapes-

Carrma: I’m partial to the red. Black would be too hot here in the desert.

Evey: Tell you what. Get me a big book contract and I’ll get you one. Right now it’s out of the budget.

Carrma: Hmmm. Carrots are in your budget, aren’t they? Where are my carrots?

Evey: Gee, I dunno. You didn’t get me carrots for my birthday.

Carrma: -stares-

Evey: Fair is fair, you know.

Carrma: Huuuuuman, you can’t fool me. There is something behind your back.

Evey: Nah, it’s just a plastic bag.

Carrma: A plastic bag with carrots. -lickchewlickchew-

Evey:  What do you say?

Carrma: -stares- -paws ground-

Evey: Fine. Here you go.

Carrma: Nom nom nom. More please?

Evey: Well, okay. It’s your birthday, after all.

Carrma: -nom nom nom- I should get one for each of my 25 years. And then some more.

Evey: Ummmmmm…..

Camilla: -bangs hoof on fence- Me too, me too!

Tia & Ephiny: And us! 

Capria: Out of the way. Move it. Me first. -crooks leg-

Evey: Ummmmmm….

Herd: WE WANT CARROTS! GIVE US CARROTS!

Evey: -hands out carrots-

Gabriella, hovering at rear: Don’t forget me, please.

Evey: Of course not. Meet you on the far side.

Gabriella: Nom nom. Thank you.

Carrma: You forgot me. Where are my carrots?

Evey: Here you go–hey wait!

Carrma: Heh. Human is so gullible.

How now, brown horse…

Carrma: Um, human, that is a brown horse. What is a brown horse doing on the white horse blog?

Evey: This is Gary. He’s Yoga Human’s horse. And it’s one of the few pictures I’m actually in. So there.

Capria: That’s all well and good, but he’s brown. 

Evey: Hey. If it weren’t for a few brown horses, yoga human wouldn’t be coming over here once a month, and I know how much you like having her visit. 

Capria: Yes, but, but–  

Evey: What? You think brown horses can’t do as much as white ones? Check this out:

 Capria: So he can kick. So what?

 Evey: He also knows to ask for his halter when he wants to work, just like you guys. 

Ephiny: -nibble nibble- I do that. Play with me, human. 

Evey: Sorry dear, not now. 

Ephiny: Can I have a cookie?Evey: No, sweetheart, not right now. If I give you one, EVERYBODY wants one. 

Ephiny: Phooey. You’re no fun. I’m going to look for some hay. 

Evey: And here’s another brown horse. This is Ichobod talking to Yoga Human. He’s Massage Human’s horse. He’s taught Massage Human a lot of stuff which she uses to help you guys. So PLAY NICE. 

Pooka: Yeah. Don’t mess with Massage Human. I LUUUUUV Massage Human!

Capria: -grumble- Okay, fine, I suppose brown horses might have their uses. 

Evey: Aren’t most of you brown when you’re born?

Capria: Yeah, but that’s just a phase we grow out of. 

Evey: -sigh- 

Carrma: I like them, human. They teach you good stuff. 

Evey: I think so too. 

Horse Cookies

Carrma: I like going for a walk. My human always gives me a treat at the end. -nom nom-

Khepera: -bangs hoof on fence- Where’s mine?

Evey: Sorry, dude. You don’t get one.

Khepera: I’m sure you must have an extra cookie for me.

Evey: No, really, I don’t. -holds out empty palms-

Khepera: -licks palms- Theytastelike cookies. You must have one somewhere. In that pocket, perhaps?

Evey: Nope.

Khepera: But there is somethingin that pocket. It must be a cookie.

Evey: That’s my phone. Now go away!

Camilla: Mom got a cookie. I want one. You must have one.

Evey: -sigh- No, really, no cookies. See?

Camilla: -licks Evey’s hands- Hmm. Not there. In your pocket, maybe?

Evey: No, not in my pocket. Not anywhere. Leave me alone!

Khepera: Hmm. Camilla was licking your hands. You must have given her a cookie. I want one too. -lick lick lick-

Evey: EWWW. I’ve been slimed. No, I didn’t have a cookie and I still don’t have one now!

Khepera: Is it in this pocket? Or this pocket? Or in your shirt pocket?

Evey: No, no, and no!

Capria: Khepera was licking your hand. You must have a cookie. -crooks leg-

Evey: No! No cookies! Everyone stop asking!

Herd: WE WANT COOKIES! GIVE US COOKIES! -stares with baleful eyes-

Evey: -sticks fingers in ears- La la la, I’m not listening, I’m going home now…

Evey Brett’s New Book: CAPRIOLE

Carrma: Hey, look. My human has a new e-book out. It’s called Capriole from a publisher named Loose Id.

Capria: I’m a star in the book. See that horse on the cover? That’s supposed to be me. -preens-  This book wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for us.

Khepera: Hey! I’m in the book too.

Tia: I get a cameo. I get to kick things.

Carrma: And look, my human put together a video with all of us.

Pooka: I look sooooo studly. I am going to get soooo many girls. And cookies!

Capria: Yeah, yeah. I’m featured. That’s what matters.

Khepera: Me too!

Carrma: Yes. Well. Why don’t we let the nice humans watch and then buy the book if they want to?

That kickstarter thing

Capria: So my human is doing a Kickstarter project.

Tia: I like to kick. I like to start everyone kicking too.

Carrma: Yeah. My human still has a knot on her leg from you. -glares-

Tia: -pouts- If she wouldn’t have whacked me on the butt, I wouldn’t have kicked her.

Capria: Ahem. So my human is seeking funding to rewrite and publish a book called Living in Threes–

Gabriella: Hey! Look at the video! I’m the star. I even got my cues right. -preens-

Pooka: That’s my darling. I like this idea about kicking. I can kick too!

Carrma: Yeah. My human has a dent in her other leg from you, kid.

Pooka: -mumble mumble- Didn’t mean to. -mumble mumble- Boy this hay is good…

Capria: SO. My human is also giving out nifty prizes like e-book copies, art, and even an appearance in the novel.

Gabriella: I hear there’s even going to be a white horse in there. Probably me.

Camilla: I wanna be in the book! I’m GOOD at kicking! Outta my way, Gabriella!

Gabriella: Um, leaving now…

Khepera: Hey Carrma. I thought you kicked your human once too.

Carrma: Oh. Um. Well. She jabbed her toe in my stomach while mounting. I couldn’t help it. Oh, look, a stray piece of hay. Nom nom.

Capria: So we’re going to tell all the other humans to help, right? RIGHT?

Herd: Yes, ma’am. Go, humans, go!

Capria: Good. Now maybe my human will stop that writing thing long enough to feed us lunch…